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Erica Marie
ExpoEightySix (this is my blog)


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I'm having a serious issue.

everyone knows I love my major. e-media is my life. I adore DJing and I'm hella good at it. I love producing and writing for commericals and things, and I'm hella good at it. If there is one thing I have confidence and power in, its what I do.

my whole life I've wanted fame, fortune, to get paid to make people laugh and smile and think I'm beautiful.

but theres another side to me ... hugly different side to me.

I want to go pre-med. I'm having a hard time deciding this. I adore what I do, but it doesn't really benefit anyone. its fun and its easy. thats the story of my life, when things get hard, bail. run like hell and never look back. like with school work, I do as least as I can ... I've never be able to sit down and DO IT.

thats what holds me back ... see ... if I went pre-med it would make my mother proud ... she would brag to the world her daughter was going to be a doctor. but what if things got too hard and I bailed?

I'm not saying e-media is easy but its not pre-med hard either. I'm horriable at math ... I've never even taken physics. yes, it scares me. failing scares me. I don't know how to buckle down.

I want to learn, but how do you just learn that?

its really hard for me to decide something SO HUGE.

I thought og going to the recording studio for 8 weeks get my degree and be a dj while in college. my job to get me through hell would be like a leisure activity. right?

I'm scared to take that step. I'm lazy. I don't want to disappoint everyone.

frankly I'm scared being lazy has killed my potiental to do anything except my shallow excuses for dreams.
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